“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
Forgiveness. What a joyful and awful word! We love it when we receive forgiveness, don’t we? When we know we’ve done wrong and yet are completely forgiven for that wrong, the only possible response is joy. But according to this verse, in order to receive that forgiveness, we need to forgive others. That’s the awful part. Why would God say that we have to forgive before He’ll forgive us? It’s not because He’s trying to strong-arm us into forgiving. Or because He’s being petty and saying, “Well, you didn’t forgive, so why should I?” The reason is because if we don’t forgive, we’re choosing to place a barrier between us and God. We’re choosing to hold on to the anger and the hurt rather than allow God to heal those wounds within us.
I used to think I was a pretty good forgive-er. I came to realize that I’m a pretty good excuser. I can come up with possible reasons why the person did what they did. Maybe they cut me off in traffic because they’re later for work, or they just received an emergency phone call. Maybe they were rude to me because they had a fight with their spouse that morning or their kids are acting out. But I’ve come to realize that true forgiveness is when there is no excuse. Our country is reeling right now from the recorded actions of an individual who should have been there to protect and serve. The video seems to prove that there was no excuse for his actions. This happened at the same time that I was realizing I have never truly forgiven the murderer of a friend of mine. Although it happened several years ago, that justified anger and blame was welling up in me – again. In the face of such inexcusable and despicable behavior, how do we possibly forgive?
Let’s talk about what forgiveness isn’t. It isn’t excusing the behavior. What the person did was wrong and there’s no getting around that. Even if there is an excuse, it was still wrong behavior. Forgiveness is also not letting the person off the hook. There will always be consequences for our behaviors. Those consequences may include such things as fines, jail time, broken relationships, or a myriad of other possible consequences. If their behavior was dangerous and/or criminal, they should pay the consequences. Even if it seems they got away with it here, God sees it and will deal with that person. Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior. When we forgive, we’re not saying the actions were okay. Forgiveness is also not a feeling. If we wait until we feel like forgiving, Satan will make sure we never feel that way.
So what is forgiveness? First, it’s not about the guilty person. It’s not telling the other person we are letting them off the hook. It’s letting ourselves off the hook. Let me explain. We think that if we hold on to our grudge, we’re making that person pay. Our anger or hate is somehow causing them hurt and pain. The reality is that it usually doesn’t hurt them in the least. They’re probably not even aware that we’re in turmoil over it. I’ve heard it said before that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. So when we forgive, we let ourselves off the hook of having to be the one to exact revenge on the other person. We free our emotions to receive healing from God. Forgiveness is telling God that we want Him to deal with the other person and we’re asking Him to make us whole and fill us with His peace and joy.
I said earlier that forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. Feelings always follow our thoughts. It’s when we feel least like forgiving that it’s most important to take that to God and ask Him to take the anger and bitterness away. We make the decision that we will no longer hold this against the other person. That doesn’t mean we won’t seek justice when that’s necessary. It does mean we’ll constantly check our motives to make sure we’re really wanting justice, not revenge. And then we move on with our life. We don’t let what happened hold us back from the fullness of life that God desires for us. My prayer for myself, and for our nation, is that we would learn to forgive, truly forgive, even as we strive for justice for all.