“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1, 2
This is one of those proverbs that I love to quote, unless I’m the one that needs to hear it. Usually that means that I’m in the midst of an angry pout and, of course, there’s always a good reason for my anger. We all think that way at the time. But when I really take a look at this verse, the first thing that strikes me is the difference between the first half and the second. The first half is a response. Someone else is angry and we’re responding to their anger. We didn’t start this, it was something that came at us. It may have even been completely unprovoked. We were just the unlucky one to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or perhaps we did do something that the other person is angry about. Either way, when we respond with a tender, gentle answer, it will help to diffuse the other person’s anger. In fact, in the original Hebrew, there is a sense of not just turning away anger, but also of restoring relationship.
Compare this with the second half of the verse. Instead of responding to anger, we’re stirring up the anger. Why? Because we choose to speak harshly. I want to camp on the words “stir up” for a minute. The actual translation would be to ascend or rise up. So harsh words can cause anger to rise up in the hearer. I’m picturing a volcano slowly heating up with the lava coming closer and closer to the surface before finally erupting. The interesting thing is that those words can cause anger in the hearer, but also make anger rise up in us. Oh, there was probably some anger there before, but just voicing the harsh words can cause that anger to grow and ascend within us.
What is a harsh word? Maybe it’s saying something condescending, or just plain mean. Perhaps it’s the tone of voice we use. We’ve all heard someone say something nice but use a tone of voice that tells us their intent was not to please. For example, we say “Way to go” to congratulate someone on an accomplishment, or when they trip and drop a tray of food. Same words, but a different tone of voice gives them a very different meaning. So whether it’s saying something mean or saying it in a mean way, or words can be harsh and abrasive. The question I have to ask myself is if I want my words to diffuse anger, or make anger rise. Do I want my words to be sandpaper or velvet? I’m asking God to make me aware of when my words are sandpaper. In fact, I’m asking Him to turn that sandpaper around so it scratches me. Then He can help me so that only velvet words come out of my mouth.