“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9
Forgiveness. What a big word and so hard to do! When should we forgive? When the other person is truly sorry, right? When someone has insulted me, I want to insult them back. I want to make them hurt like they hurt me. If someone has done something evil, I want them to realize how much they hurt me and feel bad about it. I want them to acknowledge the evil done to me. When someone apologizes to us, that puts us in the driver’s seat, doesn’t it? We now have the choice of granting them forgiveness or not. If we think they haven’t suffered quite enough, we just withhold forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t about the other person. They may never realize how they hurt us. Or they may realize and not care. They may even be glad they hurt us. God calls us to forgive anyway. That may seem unfair until we realize that God is simply trying to set us free. As long as we choose unforgiveness, we’re choosing to remain tied to the other individual and what they did. They are controlling our thoughts, emotions and actions, probably without even realizing it. But when we choose to forgive, we’re choosing freedom from being controlled by that hurt.
What if we don’t feel like forgiving? This is a huge misunderstanding in our culture today. We often place too much importance on feelings. Scripture doesn’t say we have to feel a certain way. Read this verse again. Does it say we’re supposed to have warm, fuzzy feelings about that person? No, it tells us how to act towards them. We’re to treat them differently than they treated us. We’re to pay back injury with blessing. The feelings will follow later. Maybe much later, but they will change if we continue to take them to God for healing.
Who are we to forgive? I’m guessing that every one of us can think of several people who have hurt us. I’m also guessing that one person comes to the forefront pretty quickly. Maybe it’s the deepest wound, or the most recent hurt. And that’s good. Take that to God and ask Him how you can bless that person. There may be circumstances that make this especially difficult. Perhaps the person has even already died. But God can show you how to forgive. But what if God is the One you need to forgive? That’s right. I said God. I’m not saying that God ever does evil to us or insults us but that doesn’t mean we’re not angry with Him about something. I think this verse applies to that situation as well. First, be honest about those hurt feelings. God wants you to tell Him about those feelings but you may not be to that point yet. That’s okay. Once you’re honest with yourself and with Him, then you’ll be able to start working through all of that. Or maybe the one you most need to forgive is yourself. Maybe you’ve believed lies of failure and unworthiness for so long that all that anger is turned inward. Another word for that can be depression. If that’s you, ask God to show you what you need to forgive yourself for. He will not only help us on the road to forgiveness but He’s promised us great blessings at the end of that road!