“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9
Humans are so prone to rank our sins. I think we would all say that murder is one of greatest sins, if not the worst of all. While I’m certainly not saying that murder is no big deal, I believe that when we think that way, we have a tendency to down-play some of the other sins. One of those is gossip. After all, everyone gossips, right? It’s just natural. Of course, there’s the form of Christian gossip: telling something about someone else so others can be praying for that person. A song I enjoy says the response to that should be, “If you don’t mind, I’ll pray for you instead.”
What is gossip? The dictionary defines it as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” I’ve also heard it defined as “saying something negative about another person with no end to their good in mind.” I like this second definition because gossip doesn’t have to be a lie. It can be completely true but just because it’s true doesn’t mean we have a to tell others about it.
Why do you think gossip is such a big deal to God? I can’t pretend to know God’s mind, but I think it’s because it goes straight to our hearts. Who are we loving? If we’re making ourselves number one and thinking only of ourselves, we are very prone to gossip. Especially if we’ve been hurt by another. We think we need others to know how badly we’ve been hurt. We think it will make us look better. After all, we’re perfect, right? But this other person did this horrible thing to us. How could they? Don’t others need to know about that? After all, if they know about it then they will see how awful the other person is and how great we are.
What if we’re choosing to love the other person with the love God calls us to? 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that love always protects. To protect someone else includes “covering them over with silence.” In other words, you may have something to say about someone but choose to protect that person with your silence. What you know about them may be completely true but if telling others would not be with their good in mind, the loving thing to do is to choose to not gossip, to not tell anyone else. That’s love for the other person, but ultimately, it’s love for God. It also shows our faith in God. We’re not trying to defend ourselves or take matters into our own hands. Rather, we will keep silent as we trust God to defend us in His way and in His time.
Avoiding gossip is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it can be very difficult. In addition to the reasons given above, gossip is very common in our culture. If we’re not talking about others, then we’re reading or hearing about them. If someone is well known, we want to know all the details of their lives. I have to giggle when I see articles titled, “The secret life of . . .” Or “The untold story of . . .” If it’s a secret, then how does that reporter know about it? If it’s untold, then how do you know? Yet we obviously consume those kinds of stories because we continue to see more and more of them. I believe that reading those stories or listening to those reports is nothing more than taking part in gossip. Ouch. We don’t even have to repeat it to others. It takes two to gossip: the speaker and the listener.
I encourage all of us to become more mindful of what we spend our time talking about or listening and reading about. Is it about other people? If so, what is our reason for talking or hearing about that? Do we have their good in mind? If not, I encourage all of us to take those thoughts to God. Ask Him to give us the love required to protect that person by covering them in silence. As we move forward on this journey of erasing gossip from our conversations, I’m excited to see how God is going to bless us with renewed and improved relationships.